And Finally…….

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on June 10, 2011 by Always the Wrong Men

Sorry I haven’t written, I haven’t identified with this for some time now. All I can say now is I have found a rose between the thorns and things seem to be looking up. A man has come into my life in the last six months and I am happy!…..Deliriously happy. Since I have met this person my life has become more positive and I always have a smile on my face… Just when I thought I would have to get the big Bridget Jones’ pants out… along he came! We have started our relationship the right way. It has been intense since day one…moving quickly, but very comfortable too. I feel like we have been together for a lifetime (in the nicest way) and it’s all so natural. He is fantastic with my son, the most precious thing in my life and although I still have trust issues, he understands. I don’t want to talk about him too much, because I just want to keep this wonderful feeling for me. I will say that he is amazing and I don’t like to gush as it is a little too ‘girly’ for me. After all the heartache, lies, tears, bruises and moments where I thought I would never come back, the last few months that I have been witness to proves that there are ‘right’ men out there.

I think There comes a time in life where you have to draw a line, put all the drama and the people who have created it behind you. I have no desire  to hold onto anger or resentment anymore. My past is my past, I have learnt from it, it’s made me wiser and provided a blessing too, so I cannot hate it. My son is happy and wonderful, growing up quickly and a joy to be around everyday. I cannot describe how thankful I am, the most beautiful little boy, who has amazing people around him, around us.

I am closing the chapter on this part of my life and opening a new one.

I will be starting a new blog…..Watch this space!

A Break

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on November 17, 2010 by Always the Wrong Men

After writing about the last ten years of my life, I needed a break from writing. I had become so consumed with everything and had concentrated fully on ensuring all the events were in correct order, I was very tired!

I have met a few men in the last couple of months, the last one happened to be an old friend, which I wrote about in my previous post. After everything I had written, I still fell for the lies and yet landed up in bed with another wrong man!! This was the first man I actually had felt very comfortable with since my son’s father. I had to retreat and lick my wounds, but I now feel a lot better and much stronger!

A few more dates, nothing exciting……. Old, young, intelligent and a little thick……a bunch of all sorts! It call came down to one thing…. from the chat up lines, to the drinks and dinners, the one thing they all wanted from me was……SEX. Shocker. I never gave in, I wasn’t going to feel that heartbreak, because as much as you can tell yourself it’s just sex…….it rarely is just that

I have thought a lot about the mistakes I have made and also other mistakes I know friends have made in relationships. I have one friend who I love dearly, but is so particular about what she’s looking for in a man. As time wears on, you experience life and become more fussy, the list gets longer, and to be honest, unrealistic. I personally am not unrealistic, but specific when it comes down to my son and who would be suitable in his life.

Frustration and Whys

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on September 15, 2010 by Always the Wrong Men

Once you have experienced psychopaths, cheating, liars and every other disgusting ‘toad’ that can be named, it’s very difficult to distinguish lies from truth. Tarring everyone with the same brush is a big no, but we do, to a degree. My instant reaction to being let down is rage and the million why’s. Now I sit back, take a moment and….phone a friend! Friends have the ability to look at something without getting emotional and analysing too much. I have male friends who will just tell you how it is and then you deal with it. With women, we are clever enough to say something and include a hidden message within our initial communication which a man should understand. Most of the time they don’t get it! Men on the other hand, I am still trying to figure out. When someone says, ‘I think the world of you………just at this moment I have to….’ To me that is left ‘open.’ Why can’t men just say what’s on their minds? Do you want in or out? Why keep it on ice? Is that fair?

We are in the new age where the men with no balls can break any relationship without having to look this person in the eye. What was widely regarded as awful and horrific seems to be more acceptable. A break up email, text message…..no more notes or phone conversations needed. So WHY can’t men say what they mean? OR are we looking into things too much? Women over analyse everything, it’s in our nature. Men are simpler creatures, but we still like to think they are complicated and forever searching for hidden messages.

I have recently been on the receiving end of strange communication…..How do you take it? Do you ask? Will you piss them off if you keep asking why? These things have left me baffled. What’s even harder is if you know this person, you feel ‘safe.’ They’re not going to piss you around because why would they do that to a friend. Then you receive a line of communication which is thoughtful, but inconclusive. What are they trying to do? Piss you off more? If men realised that brutal honesty was actually easier in some cases then feelings would be repaired easily especially when you don’t have to communicate face to face anymore. So what do we do? Plunge in head first, believe what we are told? Try and look for hidden messages? Or do you assume you are being lied to and if you’re not, it’s a bonus!

Maybe they like to keep things open…just in case. My friend had told me not long ago that I was more than likely the right person at the wrong time….She said I was ‘marriage material,’ and if someone isn’t ready for you yet, they will keep you on ice. They don’t want to say no because it cuts the cord, but they’re not ready for you yet. How thoughtful. How flattering. So is he lying and telling me what I want to hear to keep things open, or is he genuine and I take him for his word? I am losing faith in relationships and I am sure there are some lovely people out there, but where the hell are they???

Communication – Is It That Difficult?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 11, 2010 by Always the Wrong Men

I have had a fair few disasters and after the ‘incident’ is over I always sit back and wondered where I went wrong? How do I attract these ‘wrong men?’ I have met men in bars, pubs, online, people I have known for years and some men in very random places, so am I just unlucky?

We have our needs and expectations, communication being the most important but seems to be the hardest to achieve sometimes. I have recently discovered that I am not happy with the level of communication. How do you communicate that without sounding needy or demanding? Am I needy or demanding? No, I would like to think not, but I do have certain things that I like to implement at the start of a relationship. A cheeky text here and there or a sneaky 5 minute phone call all help at the start. It nice to be thought of, even if it’s for 10 seconds!

Most of my previous relationships have been extremely intense and that’s how I remember things, but to try and get back into the proper ‘dating/relationship’ scene it seems things have changed slightly. Men seem different, not as sure of their wants and needs, probably because they are juggling more than one woman at a time!

My frankness seems to be the hardest thing for someone to overcome, it can be misconstrued as intensity, but I have always believed to say how you feel, what you want and then it’s out in the open. In these times I have found that this doesn’t work, so I am supposed to beat around the bush a little and give subtle hints otherwise it seems men get frightened. Mistake number  24!

When someone gives you that ‘safe’ feeling, I immediately let my guard down. They understand me, my situation, so surely they aren’t going to use me, are they? Suddenly you are being told all the things you want to hear and things feel exciting, positive and this could be the someone who you could spend time with. It feels amazing, you feel that this person genuinely cares…… and it’s another wrong man. Over and over again it seems that I am either the right person at the wrong time, or the ‘stepping stone’ person.

I would still like to think that there is one person out there who will give the simplest things in life…….Honesty, Communication, Trust, Time and Love

Mistakes

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on September 2, 2010 by Always the Wrong Men

After all the ‘wrong men,’ I thought I had my lot. I was due a break. I wanted to meet someone nice, no police officers, armed personnel or crazies, just a nice normal guy. It can’t be difficult can it?

I decided that internet speed dating would be the answer! Armed with a large vodka and chocolate, I sat down looking at the computer not knowing what to expect. The first few guys seemed nice enough and as the evening wore on, the perverts came out! One after another, I flicked through pictures and profiles. IM chat would pop up on my screen and I would read things like, ‘Can I make you cum?’ or ‘Let me show you what a man is.’ OMG it just got worse!! After the first few it became funny and then repulsive……how could you meet anyone on the internet?

I had spent so much time on my own, I was now used to my own company. I went on speed date regularly and eventually met a young tall guy. Very tall – 6ft 8inches tall! Me being only 5ft 2, I think he figured it was perfect blow job height. We fast became friends and nothing else ever emerged from our friendship. The odd cheeky text, but that was it.

I had met with an old friend who was on my Facebook and we had started to chat, he used to go to the local school and to be honest his brother was bloody gorgeous, perfect bone structure, almost delicate and far cry from my hulk of an ex. He was more masculine, not as good looking as his brother, but certainly had a charm about him. The biggest put off – he LOVED himself! But we were both single, young (ish) so why not meet up, give it a chance?!

I was so nervous meeting someone I already knew. In the back of my mind all I could think of was, ‘not another arsehole, another heartache.’ I hadn’t been out with him yet!! I think once you take so much, the fear runs through you and fast forward flashes appear and you end up working yourself up into such a state that the external calm exterior is hard to keep under control.

I blabbed far too much about my past it was a put off straight away. My ‘way’ has always been to be upfront and honest about the person you are, obviously in this situation, not such a good thing. He actually called me an idiot for staying with my ex husband. I knew it was true but never imagined someone could be so blinkered to the big wide world, the consequences and hard choices we have to make.

After a few drinks, back to his place and a couple of kisses, I left…. a little happy and maybe too keen. Mistake number 23!!

Not Quite The End

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on August 11, 2010 by Always the Wrong Men

Life just rolled along, we headed into the second Christmas without my ex. This time there was no knock at the door Christmas Eve, no presents for my son. I was relieved and at the same time a little disappointed. He had made his effort and couldn’t be bothered. I had since found out that his recent girlfriend, (probably one of many), had a baby girl. I am sure he was over the moon. More expense on his part although I don’t imagine he was thinking about that, for the moment. Give him time, 14 months to be precise and he would be out of their lives too.

New Year came along with the promises it would be a better time, I would get better luck. My son’s third birthday and no card, no presents from his father.

Time flew by and each day things got a little better. I sometimes felt this presence behind me, watching me and as soon as I looked back, it was gone. I felt that he had been around now on more than one occasion, some people would call me paranoid, but I knew better. He was gone, but not for long. He would be back, it was just a question of when. All I can do now is bring my gorgeous son to be everything a man should be, everything his father wasn’t; honest, caring and a gentleman who knew the right thing to do. I want my son to know how to treat people and focus on the good things in life, be kind-hearted because you want to be, not for the expectation or praise that comes with doing good.

I was hoping these experiences would better equip me with being able to spot a wrong man. All the ups and downs, mistakes, crying and heartache, the violence, cheating and lies must be for a reason. Does this mean when the ‘right’ person comes along we will appreciate them more? Will we understand ourselves better and compromise more? Could I spot a wrong man? Do you think any of us can see it heading our way, or are we still blinded by our wants, by the big fairytale and false promises that we will get it? Have I learnt a lesson?

I have learnt so far, not to jump in feet first. To look into someone’s past and family in-depth. Be cautious and take time getting to know someone. I will not take anyone at face value again. Who do I trust? My son and I. Do I have good relationship advice? I would like to think so. Does the past haunt me? Everyday, but I am learning to deal with it.

The Return Of The Pratt

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on August 5, 2010 by Always the Wrong Men

Just recently I have had the feeling I was going to be seeing my ex sometime soon. The other week I saw some fresh Marlboro Light cigarette butts outside my house whilst my Mum was mowing the lawn. I bent down and a chill ran down my spine. I told her what I had seen and her response was, ‘You’re just being silly.’

I was waking up every morning between 3.30am and 4am in the morning for the entire week, worrying, tossing and turning. I had enough on my mind, but there was something else nagging me.

I was in the park with a friend of mine Saturday morning and I received a text from an old friend which simply said, ‘*** is working back here.’ I felt the familiar chill run through my spine, my heart sank. I text back immediately asking he what she knew. My friend saw the dismay in my face and once I had told her, she looked as unhappy as me! The only thing that did put a smile on my face was that he had apparently put on more weight and looked old.

I suddenly felt paranoid, my mind spinning around and around. Why  would he come back and work in this area after everything? Had he split up with his policewoman? Was he living down here? The week before I had received a letter from the CSA stating they had found him and were trying to get payments from him. My thoughts were racing. Was he coming back to make my life a misery if he had to pay maintenance until I gave in and told him to leave and he didn’t have to pay anything? Was he back for my son? The last thing he said to my son was, ‘I will come back and get you,’ whilst looking at me. I felt the fear of God run through me at that point. I knew there and then, this wouldn’t be the last time I would see him. I was right. Whatever happens now, I would have to be very careful, but try not to project too much paranoia onto my son.

People tell you not to worry, everything will be fine, but until you have been in the position where you know someone can make you feel paranoid or threaten to take the one thing in your life that means more than your own life, then it’s difficult to understand. On your own at night-time, thinking, wondering what could happen. It’s enough to drive you crazy! The schools will have to informed and I will be looking behind and in front of me wherever I go. I was now on my guard.